Metamorphosed

18-August-'09

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 10:04:00 +0000

And a world existed beneath that placid lake, a world nobody knew of.

Dark, as the very depths of hell.

Violence, that betrayed violence itself.

It frightened her, to venture there, close as it was to her.

Night after night she sat, desperate for a cure.

But there came none, willing to enter.

None - willing to brave the sorrow.

None - who even knew.

For there was none

Who took the trouble;

The trouble to know her at all.

A (fond?) farewell...

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 01:06:00 +0000

So I sit here in my room (Funny how all my entries start that way, eh?), with only my laptop for company, and a constant chain of ponderings running through my idle mind. The surprise is that, despite the optimism that comes to me naturally, I can think of nothing, but everything I don’t have.

I’ve spent majority of the last year, getting used to my newfound freedom, and in spite of my fierce independence, I almost resent it. My first year at university is coming to an end, and I think back over the last 9 months, weighing my gains and my losses.

My losses, although minimal to the strange eye, have been magnanimous. I have no dearth of material pleasures, never have. Yet life has never seemed quite as empty as it has in this past year.

I lost friends – not literally – rather, the delusions I’d so carefully built up around the concept, and hence, gained reality, perhaps?

I gained a sense of self worth, as strong as it has ever been – yet lost my confidence in my own choices, due to a lack of nothing more than respectable validation.

I had time on my hands, as much as anyone would ever wish for – and I used most of it constructively, in a constant endeavour to improve upon who I am. Perfection, I want not, for such a thing does not exist. I only wish to be the best I can be.

In the process, I lost all sense of belonging, anywhere.

I gained the ability to survive on my own – and I lost the capability to depend, on anything, or anyone. Even the night, my sole stable companion, grows shorter day by day.

I gained the ability to think for myself – while simultaneously losing the chance to share those revelations.

I read, watched and heard things that brought me inexpressible joy – yet in the riddance of my delusions, lost the pleasure of being able to share those with someone who would appreciate them.

I gained the opportunity to live life to its fullest extent – and I lost it, for I have yet to learn how to do so alone.

Once stripped of my childish fantasies (as some would call them), I gained some perspective – and lost hope.

I sat here, imprisoned in these 4 walls, living vicariously through the grandeur of great lives – lives well spent, lives lived. And I tried, oh I tried, to find a way to walk in those huge footsteps.

I might have succeeded, I might not have. I know not, and perhaps it is for the better.

I achieved some things – they might not be great – but the momentary joy they brought me was invaluable.

I also went down paths I’m not proud of – paths that would break the hearts of those few who still care – and for that I apologise. I only hope to be given a second chance, and I promise I shall try and do better.

I watched some beautiful movies – and I revelled in the endings – happy and tragic, likewise – with a dream of attaining either.

I gained the ability to laugh, to cry, to sing, like no one is watching – for no one was – I gained the courage to be myself again.

Yet there followed the insecurity of what someone would say if they were watching.

I gained individuality – and pride at being my own person – at the cost of being incomprehensible to most around me.

I won some, and I lost some. And I learned, for myself, the essence behind these wise words – “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.”

A wise man (The wisest I know) has repeatedly told me – It’s lonely at the top.

And I know, all too well, what he meant.

For the fleeting moments of joy I had, I am thankful – to myself – for I can safely say they were my own doing.

For my innumerable moments of weakness and despondency – I apologise – to the person I am, to the person I aspire to be, and to my family.

To describe this last year, I could use any number of adjectives, both negative and positive, and they would all be true.

I end this piece with the very little shred of hope I have left – hope that the next year shall see a trifle more joy, a trifle less despondency.

Hope that I will be able to seek solace in the company of a human being, rather than facebook.

Hope that I won’t lose the ability to hope.

...

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Tue, 12 May 2009 21:14:00 +0000

Expressing to morons is like emotional liposuction - The 'Easy' way out.

- Varnika Kundu

Mon ami.....

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Sat, 02 May 2009 03:19:00 +0000

Three past the bewitching hour,

And the time is come, for all,

That is mine.

The tender zephyr,

That dandles my hair.

The gentle cream of that distant orb –

That oldest of my loves, whose gaze is a ceaseless armour,

Upon my timid soul.

The tiny beads of white flames,

That shower upon me the hushed luminosity of their adoration –

An urgent beckoning.

That ebon veil, with folds of smoky grey -

Ushers in an eternity’s worth of camaraderie.

I step outside my house,

And into my home.

The quietude – a reprise of the womb whence I sprung -

A sober whisper of reassurance.

Three past the bewitching hour,

Mon ami est là.

The House with Nobody in it - Joyce Kilmer

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 03:01:00 +0000

Whenever I walk to Suffern along the Erie track
I go by a poor old farmhouse with its shingles broken and black.
I suppose I've passed it a hundred times, but I always stop for a minute
And look at the house, the tragic house, the house with nobody in it.

I never have seen a haunted house, but I hear there are such things;
That they hold the talk of spirits, their mirth and sorrowings.
I know this house isn't haunted, and I wish it were, I do;
For it wouldn't be so lonely if it had a ghost or two.

This house on the road to Suffern needs a dozen panes of glass,
And somebody ought to weed the walk and take a scythe to the grass.
It needs new paint and shingles, and the vines should be trimmed and tied;
But what it needs the most of all is some people living inside.

If I had a lot of money and all my debts were paid
I'd put a gang of men to work with brush and saw and spade.
I'd buy that place and fix it up the way it used to be
And I'd find some people who wanted a home and give it to them free.

Now, a new house standing empty, with staring window and door,
Looks idle, perhaps, and foolish, like a hat on its block in the store.
But there's nothing mournful about it; it cannot be sad and lone
For the lack of something within it that it has never known.

But a house that has done what a house should do,
a house that has sheltered life,
That has put its loving wooden arms around a man and his wife,
A house that has echoed a baby's laugh and held up his stumbling feet,
Is the saddest sight, when it's left alone, that ever your eyes could meet.

So whenever I go to Suffern along the Erie track
I never go by the empty house without stopping and looking back,
Yet it hurts me to look at the crumbling roof and the shutters fallen apart,
For I can't help thinking the poor old house is a house with a broken heart.

Ode on Solitude

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 02:48:00 +0000

Oh the sweet irony that is life..........

How happy he, who free from care

The rage of courts, and noise of towns;

Contented breathes his native air,

In his own grounds.

II.

Whose herds with milk, whose fields with bread,

Whose flocks supply him with attire,

Whose trees in summer yield him shade,

In winter fire.

III.

Blest! who can unconcern'dly find

Hours, days, and years slide swift away,

In health of body, peace of mind,

Quiet by day,

IV.

Sound sleep by night; study and ease

Together mix'd; sweet recreation,

And innocence, which most does please,

With meditation.

Thus let me live, unheard, unknown;

Thus unlamented let me die;

Steal from the world, and not a stone

Tell where I lie.

Alexander Pope

...

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 04:57:00 +0000

“There's no reality except the one contained within us. That's why so many people live an unreal life. They take images outside them for reality and never allow the world within them to assert itself.”
- Herman Hesse

India

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 03:22:00 +0000

I drank in the warmth of his embrace.

The smouldering sun smiled upon us with all of its affection.

I drew in a long, deep breath- the gasp of one who has too long been deprived of her air.

The rich dust mingled with the dark smoke, with an inkling of the scent from a public toilet.

My feet caressed the searing gravel, that once was an obscure fact.

My ears witnessed a kaleidoscope of sounds- Oh! The sweetest that ever were heard; the brawling tramps, the rickety scooters, the constant vendor babble, the ceaseless honking.

I opened my eyes to a life no other peoples possessed.

He smiled, and a tear abandoned my eyelash.

I was home.

Penelope

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 21:10:00 +0000

Twenty winters she waited
Her affections wavered not.
We know now how our eyes might see,
But oh! What a beauty she was!

Eight and hundred suitors there were,
Their pursuit, relentless.
The adoration, though she did enjoy
Her heart, on Odysseus, was set.

A vagrant then did arrive, appallingly audacious
"To marry Penelope, my sole desire."
"One condition," she declared,
"Odysseus' bow thou shalt string- the arrow, pierce twelve axe shafts.
The victor, my mate shall be."
A soft snicker, she settled to watch,
For the bow would yield to none but Odysseus.

The beggar, victorious did emerge
Incredible, though it seemed.
Thus spake he,"It is I, Odysseus, my love.
To thy fidelity, I do bow."

Things that made me smile today.... :)

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 03:17:00 +0000

oh MY this is my 4th or 5th post today...

I AM on a roll :-p

Things that made me smile today:

1. Watching “Sita sings the Blues”... thanx Bhai J

2. The most amazing group called “You know you grew up in India in the 90s when...”. for reference, here’s the link - http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=19085481352

3. The fact that I saw dark clouds outside, opened the window, and the smell of rain just sprinted right in J

4. Looking up potential buy-able guitars on ebay... although most of the ones that made me smile weren’t quite as kind on the pocket :-p

5. My on-going status-convo with well, you guys know who you are :-p

6. The fact that in the last week I’ve gotten in touch with at least 3 people I haven’t talked to in ages!!!

7. Someone complimenting me on my Blog and telling me that she’s a religious follower........... ( possibly the biggest compliment I could receive right now JJJJ)

8. The “window-pelters” – yes it’s annoying mostly, but it’s fun and I wish I could do it back!!!! Of course, here is why you would ask why I don’t, and the answer to that, I’m afraid, eludes even myself!

9. Frasier J

10. The fact that my best friend’s still “GOT IT”. That’s just cute :-p

11. The ‘realisation’ that I sleep exactly 10 hours a night( well, mostly nights :-p)no more and no less.

12. The fact that I called a friend of dad’s who lives in UK, and was actually mumbling incoherently for the first minute of the call just because I couldn’t figure out whether it’s more appropriate to call him “uncle” or Mr......

13. The guitar solo in “Brown Sugar” by the Rolling Stones – just the part from 0:15 to 0:30!!!!

14. A phone call from a friend... “ELLLUUUUUUUUUU” – you know who you are :-p

15. YES, the other friend is NOT forgotten... I love you just as much.. there... I said it, even though you stood me up tonight.. “ OH YEAAA I’ll DEFINITELY come online TONIGHT.”

16. Another realisation, about an actual pleasure that facebook, and ONLY facebook has made possible – I choose not to elucidate on that!

17. What? 16 points isn’t enough for you? :-p CIAO!!!

You know you grew up in India in the 90s when......

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 02:56:00 +0000

I did NOT make this list up ( although it is one of the many many things i soooo wish i had!!!)

And i made a point of thanking the person who DID think of this.......

I almost cried( THAT perhaps owing to the fact that being as homesick as I perpetually am, ANYTHING even remotely India-related tends to make me cry :-p)

It is BEAUTIFUL :):):)

1) You know the words to ‘In-pin-safety-pin’ and ‘akkad-bakkad’ by heart
2) Cricket is almost a religion for you, and you idolize at least one of Kapil Dev/Rahul Dravid/Sachin Tendulkar/Saurav Ganguly
3) You have read at least some Chacha Chaudhary or Tinkle comics
4) You’ve watched Shaktimaan on TV at least once in your life. And you can immediately recognize the character when you see him.
5) You have some ‘NRI’ relatives.
6) You couldn’t wait for it to be December so you could have the Toblerone chocolates your NRI relatives brought you
7) You watched Cartoon Network, and then the late night movies on TNT that came after Cartoon Network ended.
8) You watched corny dubbed versions of Small Wonder, Silver Spoon, and I Dream of Jeanie
9) You were THRILLED when McDonald’s opened in your neighborhood (or even eight kilometers away)
10) Your first burgers were at Wimpy’s or Nirula’s.
11) A visit to Pizza Hut used to mean a special treat
12) You have seen Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Hum Aapke Hain Kaun at least 5 times each
13) You still remember the theme song to Hum Paanch.
14) You have played hours upon hour of Pukdam-pakdai, oonch-neech, kho-kho, ‘Doctor, doctor, help us!’, ‘Lock and key’
15) You have played ‘Uma Joshi’ more times than you can remember.
16) Dog ‘in’ the bone was your favorite co-ed game.
17) Much of your free time in school was spent playing UNO.
18) You collected trump cards of wrestlers, cricketers, and airplanes, and did not quite understand why your younger siblings were obsessed with Pokemon and the other Japanese trends that followed.
19) Your summer vacations were often synonymous with visiting your grandparents
20) Your parents, at some point, told you ‘Dark Room’ was a bad game to play. But you still loved playing it.
21) Bole mere lips, I love uncle Chips!
22) You know the song ‘Made in India’ by Alisha Chinoi
23) You have seen many many many episodes of ‘Antakshri’ on Zee TV and know the only thing constant in the show is Anu Kapoor.
24) Amy evenings have been spent watching little kids gyrate vulgarly on Boogie Woogie on Sony.
25) You were the coolest thing in class if you had a computer in your house while it was still the 90s.
26) You learnt LOGO in school!
27) You couldn’t wait to start 4th/6th standard so you could start writing with PENS instead of with pencils!
28) You often use terms and phrases like ‘kutti’, ‘abba’, ‘same to you, back to you, with no returns’, and ‘shame shame, puppy shame, all the donkeys know your name.’
29) You most probably saw Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge at the cinema at least once. You also fantasized about singing songs in mustard fields as in the movie.
30) You have seen David Dhawan and Govinda movies and laughed at them.
31) You have said ‘haw’ or ‘haw ji ki pwji’ when you saw people kissing in English movies
31) You have seen Titanic at least 12 times.
32) You thought seeing English movies and speaking English made you the coolest thing ever.
33) You remember the Orissa cyclone, even though you didn’t know what a cyclone was.
34) You remember the Gujarat earthquake very clearly and could possibly tell everyone EXACTLY what you were doing when the earthquake occurred (yes, this happened in 2001, January 26, 2001, to be exact -- but this group is about the things that Indian kids that GREW UP in the 90s remember and identify with).
35) Barbies for girls, and GI Joes for boys were the ultimate status symbols. You just wanted more more more and more. And how can I forget Hot Wheels, for both boys and girls? I personally have a collection of over 200 little Hot Wheels cars.
36) You have worn Osh-Kosh B’gosh and United Colours of Benetton clothes while growing up. And you thought ‘imported’ clothes were definitely way better than ‘made in India’ clothes (never mind that a lot of clothes brought from overseas by NRI relatives were actually made in India, before ‘Made in China’ started appearing on EVERY existing thing)
37) You know the words to ‘Posham Paa’, and like it better than ‘Oranges and Lemons’ even though you’d sing the latter to sound cool (see 32 above).
38) At some point or other, cool was your favourite, and therefore, most overused word.
39) Captain Planet was your first introduction to environmental consciousness.
40) You have tried to convince people around you to not burst crackers on Diwali, and then gone straight back home and burst them yourself.
41) You have had endless packets of Parle Gluco G biscuits, and of Brittania Little Hearts biscuits.
42) You loved licking off the cream from the centre of Bourbon biscuits.
43) There were no Nike, Reebok, Adidas, Puma- Bata and Liberty was the way to go for your sports shoes.
44) You have probably consumed more Frooti in your lifetime than there is oil in Iraq.
45) You watched Baywatch on Star World even though (or because) your parents said you shouldn’t watch it.
46) You bought packets of potato chips for the specific purpose of collecting Tazoa. And you had Tazos depicting everyone from Confucius to Daffy Duck to Daffy Duck dressed as Confucius.
47) For the longest time, the Maruti 800, the Premier Padmini, THE Fiat, and THE Ambassador were the only cars you saw on the road, and the Contessa was cool because it was bigger.
48) You would literally jump up in excitement if you ever chanced upon an imported car (Oh my gosh, is that really a MERCEDES?)!
49) You spent a good part of 1998 drooling over the Hyundai Santro and the Daewoo Matiz , debating which one was better.
50) You used to Fuzen gum. You also chewed Big (big) Babool and/or Boom Boom Boomer chewing gum. They were bright pink and disgusting tasting, but you loved them for the temporary tattoos.
51) Talking of temporary tattoos, you sometimes had contests with your classmates about who had more tattoos on their arm, leg, knee, hand, forehead, wherever.
52) You thought Mario and Tetris were the coolest things ever invented, especially if you were a boy.
53) You knew that having the latest Hero or Atlas bicycle would make you the coolest kid on the block.
54) You can imitate Sushmita Sen’s winning gasp to perfection.
55) You have, at some point of time, worn GAP clothes (real or fake) like SRK in KKHH.
56) Seemingly senseless acronyms like SRK, DDLJ, KKHH actually make sense to you.
57) You have at some point debated who was more beautiful- Aishwarya or Sushmita.
58) If you lived in Delhi, you went bowling at Essex Farms, or Go-Karting at 32nd Milestone and couldn't think how you could get any cooler than that.
59) Baskin Robbins ice-cream was THE thing to have!
60) You know what Campa Cola is. And you also knew that Coca Cola was THE drink.
61) When you would watch WWF keenly every evening/afternoon and really think that Undertaker had 7 lives and he made an "actual" appearance in the Akshay Kumar- starrer Khiladiyon ka Khiladi.
62) When all backpacks (or 'schoolbags') and water bottles and tiffin boxes had strange cartoon characters that were hybrid versions of seven or eight different characters, and you still bought them, because a green man wih a water pistol, boots, a jet-pack, Johnny bravo hair, a rajasthani mustache, gloves, and underwear (long johns) over his pants, called 'Mr. X' was OBVIOUSLY a status symbol.
63) You remember the Nirma tikia jingle.
64) You remember the Nirma girl.
65) You remember the 'doodh doodh' ad and also the 'roz khao andey' ads.
66) You grew up reading, if you read at all, some or all of Nancy Drews, Enid Blyton books, Hardy Boys, Babysitters Club, Animorphs, Goosebumps, Sweet Valley series, Judy Blumes, and Tintin, or Archie comics. Because naturally, reading foreign authors made you much cooler than reading Tinkle.
67) Towards the late 90s (1998-99) at least some of us started our Harry Potter obsessions!
68) You absolutely HAD to go to Essel World if you wnet to Mumbai! "Essel World mein rahoonga main, ghar nahin nahin jaaonga main!"
69) You watched the Bournvita Quiz contest on TV pretty religiously. The smarter ones amongst you actually took part in it and had your entire school and your entire extended families watch you on it!
70) "Jungle jungle baat chali hai, pata chala hai. Chaddi pehen ke phool khila hai, phool khila!"
71) Maggi 2 Minute Noodles = ultimate snack (and tiffin, lunch, dinner)!
72) If you grew up in the early 90s, you recall the nation's obsession with Mahabharata on TV
73) In the later 90s, you religiously followed Hip Hip Hooray on Zee. Maybe Just Mohabbat on Sony too.
74) You eagerly awaited Friendship Day, so you could give friendship bands to all your friends, and get bands from them in return. Then, of course, those with the most bands loved to show them off (and on Rakhi, boys with the most Rakhis loved showing those off too!)

75) This list made you smile.

......

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 21:00:00 +0000

"Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius."

- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

.......

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 20:36:00 +0000

"We are never so helplessly unhappy as when we lose love."

- Sigmund Freud

Ramblings of a Well-meaning Fool.....

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 19:16:00 +0000

It’s funny how we take so much of our life for granted. We miss out on the things we should cherish.

We hang on to stuff not worth a second thought.

It’s a nice feeling, missing someone. Don’t run away from it. Enjoy it, rather. Be glad you have someone to miss. A lot of people aren’t granted that luxury.

Being alone isn’t so bad. Enjoy your solitude. It brings out in you, what no other human being ever can. You’ll be glad for it, when you realise how being in a crowd can cloud your senses.

Relationships are overrated, yet they’re not. We live our whole life, trying to forge, or force, bonds that aren’t there. What we DO have, we stow away in a dark corner, considering it a feat already accomplished. We forget, it’s just the beginning. We grow complacent with the support that one relationship has gifted us, and use that strength to look for something “better” or maybe “more”. And while we do this, the only worthwhile thing we ever actually came across, lies in the background of all our muddle, slowly but surely dying away. And one fine day we come across that hollow coccoon, hoping to see a butterfly jump out. But we don’t. We sit in bewilderment, moaning at life’s unfairness. All our “efforts” in vain, our only support now gone. This is when it hits us. We’ve been knocking on the door of an empty house, all along. We tried to bring to life something that had always been dead. And in the process, forgot to feed the one ray of hope life had bestowed upon us. Find your ray of hope NOW, before the sun sets on your life.

It doesn’t matter if you’re 15, 30, or 80. If you think you haven’t lived, you still have your whole life ahead of you.

I consider myself to be an intellectual snob. I judge people. Not by how they look, or what they wear, or how rich or how good-looking, or how stylish they are. I judge them on what they say, how they think, how narrow, or open, minded they are. I categorise people, into ( Thanks Chinks J ) Deservers, and Non-deservers. Mind you, these don’t mean what you think they do( oh now you see the arrogance coming into play eh? ). These categories have nothing to do with Karma, or God, or any of that, ahem, ‘stuff’. It has to do with Me. I impose my opinions on nobody. But i decide who deserves, and who doesn’t. Deserves what, you may ask. Anything I might have to bestow on them. My knowledge, my discoveries, my creations, and most importantly, my belief system.

I do have a rather vague belief system actually. It’s actually precise in its vagueness. i, or my beliefs, do not condemn people for what they do, or how they think, or anything really. It’s their life, and they can do with it anything that they wish to. The catch, however is, that most people do with their lives, not what THEY want to, rather, what they THINK THEY SHOULD. Now that’s where the problem comes in you see. I see everyone around me, people I love, people I respect, just throwing their lives away. They have lives – lives that reflect anything but who THEY are.

If there is ONE thing in the whole world that you KNOW is yours, it’s your life. Yet, I see the wisest people, the smartest people, letting it go, just because other people seem so important.

In the last few months, I’ve had the liberty of being able to live my own life. Of course, it came at a cost, but in retrospect, it’s nothing compared to the insight I finally gained into who I was, who I thought I was, and who I was born to be.

Any more of an explanation would only bore anyone who’s taken the trouble to come this far.

I’m here, and I’m listening.

The Fool.

......

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 00:36:00 +0000

"I'm not a perfectionist.......

For a perfectionist believes in limits......."

- Varnika Kundu

Life is, but a dream.......

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 22:49:00 +0000

I can’t stand straight on the ocean of purple grass. Why do these waves not support me?

I see green and magenta waving me over for tea, but respectfully decline, for I’m not loud enough.

Perhaps I should change one of my legs into a tail.

The bells are coming, and they get bluer every ounce.

There’s a guitar too, but it weighs 17 seconds, and is Far-coloured.

The music makes me smile – What a treat for my eyes!

My right hand fights my hair – Left hand pulls them both out and strokes ‘right’ lovingly.

......

“HOLY CRAP!!! She tore her hand off!!!!”
“Sam? Come watch, the waves like you,” she whispers
“So much for MAGIC shrooms, we’re screwed!”

Spoken like a true psychiatrist......

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:24:00 +0000

"What's the one thing better, than an exquisite meal??

An exquisite meal, with one tiny flaw we can pick at all night!"

- Frasier (the sitcom)

Those were the days my friend....

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 21:39:00 +0000

Those were the days
- Mary Hopkins

Once upon a time, there was a tavern
Where we used to raise a glass or two
Remember how we laughed away the hours,
Think of all the great things we would do

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way

Then, the busy years went rushing by us
We lost our starry notions on the way
If, by chance, I'd see you in the tavern,
We'd smile at one another and we'd say

Just tonight, I stood before the tavern
Nothing seemed the way it used to be
In the glass, I saw a strange reflection
Was that lonely woman really me?

Through the door, there came familiar laughter
I saw your face and heard you call my name
Oh, my friend, we're older but no wiser
For in our hearts, the dreams are still the same

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days.

I wanna live a little.....

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 02:59:00 +0000

Just because I'm smart doesn't mean I don't have the right to act stupid once in a while.

I might talk big, and think big, and , well, essentially be great.

That does not make me perfect.

And by no means whatsoever, does it make me a grown-up.

I like being an adult, but I don't want to be old.

So, for everyone out there who is thinking of "what's best for me" -

Thanks. I really DO appreciate it. And I love that I have ALL of your mistakes to learn from. I'd just like to learn from my own mistakes though, just once in a while.

I'm all of 20, and I've wasted too much time already, trying to grow up.

I completely forgot how, in the process, I was letting my juvenescence go.

I want to loosen up now.
I want to be rash.
I want to be careless,
and clumsy ( Not that i can help this last one ;-) )
I want to have a little FUN....

It's not the kind of fun you're probably afraid I might be talking about :-p

I just, don't want to be so careful anymore. I have the whole of the rest of my life to do that.

You say you trust me to know what's good for me?

Give me the option of actually making that decision!!!

Faraway

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 16:11:00 +0000

I choose not to believe in reality.

My purview of the truth is limited to the infinitude of my feelings.

The only truth I’ve ever known, is Us - The truth I watch gradually evanescing into the emptiness that’s left of my life.

I’m pounding against your walls, only to push you even further into your nook.

You were all the joy I knew - The joy I now see passing me by, waving a single finger, as if to convince me of the finality of its departure.

You’re close enough that I could breathe you in.

Yet the distance would cost me a lifetime.

Perhaps, even a life.

25 Random things about Me...

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 16:17:00 +0000

1. I’m scared of believing in ghosts, because I’ve watched the ‘Secret’ way too many times and now firmly believe that if I don’t give up my fear of ghosts, I might actually think them into existence.
2. I can go many, many, many days without being any use to anyone around me. It’s not something I’m proud of.
3. I don’t know how to make friends.
4. I KNOW that every once in a blue moon when I DO decide to show up for a lecture, it is ALWAYS, without fail, cancelled, or postponed, or something along the same lines.
5. I take No.4 to be God’s way of telling me that I don’t need lectures.
6. I AM God.
7. I cannot stand people making assumptions about me, whether they’re true or not. although I take my intolerance for the fact to be a sign of my denial of everything that is, in all probability, true.
8. I am, perhaps, way too spiritual for my own good.
9. I’ve been missing CKD for a few months now.
10. I YEARN for a chance to perform on stage.
11. I’ve been putting off writing this note for a while now, just because everyone was doing it.
12. I don’t like admitting to liking popular stuff.
13. I’m tired of eating junk food. I long to eat home-made food once more.
14. I don’t LIKE living in an already tiny room, over-crowded with my luggage STILL waiting to be unpacked. Someday soon, I shall unpack.
15. The few tabs always open on my explorer – Orkut, Facebook, my Blog, Osho Tarot, a couple of youtube videos on how to glide/ perform an arm wave.
16. I have recently started reminiscing about a time, not so long ago, when I used to be normal. I kind of miss it.
17. I want a pet with me, here in Nottingham, possibly more than anything else.
18. I STILL don’t regret anything I’ve ever done.
19. I’m inherently clumsy. I cannot count the number of time I’ve fallen/tripped/slipped/stumbled, over my own feet.
20. There is no kind of music that I cannot tolerate.
21. I write myself notes and display them on the wallpaper of my phone, as constant reminders. The current one reads – “I am Energy! I am very patient!”
22. More than often, I catch myself wishing I could be someone else, just so I could be friends with myself.
23. I’ve been feeling blank, the last few days.
24. I wish I could have known Kurt Cobain.
25. I disapprove of meeting people and asking them how they are. You don't actually mean it, and even if you do, they won't tell you the truth. It seems pretty pointless.

The Rebel - Osho

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 15:53:00 +0000

People are afraid, very much afraid of those who know themselves. They have a certain power, a certain aura and a certain magnetism, a charisma that can take out alive, young people from the traditional imprisonment....

The enlightened man cannot be enslaved - that is the difficulty - and he cannot be imprisoned.... Every genius who has known something of the inner is bound to be a little difficult to be absorbed; he is going to be an upsetting force. The masses don't want to be disturbed, even though they may be in misery; they are in misery, but they are accustomed to the misery. And anybody who is not miserable looks like a stranger.

The enlightened man is the greatest stranger in the world; he does not seem to belong to anybody. No organization confines him, no community, no society, no nation.

Osho The Zen Manifesto: Freedom from Oneself Chapter 9

Orig. quote

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 17:58:00 +0000

Most of us go through life seeking validation. Alas, we never do find it. For one man’s truth is bound to be another man’s dream, and yet another’s lie.
- Varnika Kundu

Happy Valentines' AseemBhai :)

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 06:58:00 +0000

I’ve been thinking.
Yes AseemBhai, It IS amazing the results a little speculation can bring about.
To state the obvious, I was lying in bed, wondering why a simple change of date brings about such major changes in people’s behaviour. In other words, I was trying to figure out why Valentines’ Day always makes me feel unpleasant, except of course the couple where I actually DID have a Valentine.
Well, one thing led to another, and I ended up with my copy of AseemBhai’s book in my hand.
AseemBhai was all of 23. Yet, he achieved in his run here, more than most people achieve in many lifetimes, put together. He was, IS, truly great.
As far back as I can remember, I never had any role-models, or idols. My only idol, ever, was my dad. Till a time not very long ago, I firmly believed that my dad had the answers to EVERYTHING. Then, I grew up. And a few years, and not-so-few hoaxes later, I realised, with a hint of disappointment, that my father, also, is human. Fortunately, I was mature enough to realise that, in no way does that fact change who my father is. True, he might not be as well-informed as Google, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s one of the very, very few people who command my respect.
Anyway, coming back to the point. A couple of years ago, I was introduced to AseemBhai by my best friend. By introduced, I don’t mean literally. That, unfortunately, didn’t happen till much later. However, I knew enough about him to know that I had found another idol. For a long, long time, all I had was the idea of him to hang onto. And then, I finally got to know him. Perhaps not as well as I’d have liked to, but well enough to know that he truly deserved every bit of the admiration and respect I had for him.
It is here, that I recognise the inadequacy of words in describing how I feel. Surprisingly, today isn’t the first time that is happening.
In the last few weeks, I’ve often wondered if I even deserve this. By ‘this’, I do not mean what you think. And I choose not to explain. I, however, decided that I do. And hope I’m right.
I wish I’d had more time. I really do. My view of the world has recently been turned upside down, and I’ve begun to question the very facts I’ve taken for granted since I was a kid. It’s now at the point where I have completely stopped believing in the impossibility, of anything. There is, however, one thing that I’m sure of. There can, and will, never be another AseemBhai. And I don’t only mean for me. I mean ever.
Sure, he was human too. He had his faults, we all do. I’m even told that there are people who weren’t fond of him. I don’t find that hard to believe. In fact, I’m glad of it.
AseemBhai had an intensity about him. Intensity will always shake people up, and they will either like it, or they won’t.
If I had to describe AseemBhai, I couldn’t. One of the reasons being that I didn’t know him well enough (I don’t regret that, for regretting will serve no purpose other than to make me unhappy). The other reason, yet again, is the fact that words, more than often prove to be an inadequate expression of the feelings, and situations of utmost importance. I can, however, make an attempt at describing what AseemBhai was to me.
He was he elder brother I never had.
He was one of my closest friends. It is true, that I didn’t know him very well, or very long. Yet, I knew I could count on him, and his support, and his precious advice. My relationship with him is the reason I have finally started to understand how very little time has to do with the importance of the people in your life. No amount of efforts, or time, can ever make or break a relationship that is meant to be.
A few years ago, when AseemBhai (apparently) had no idea who I was, Andy and I tried to play a prank on him. I added him to my Yahoo messenger list and messaged him, on the pretext of being a random chick. I still chuckle at the thought of the 2 little idiots (Andy & I) grinning, and being audacious enough to think that they could outwit AseemBhai. WHAT were we thinking? Anyway, we did learn a valuable lesson – you don’t mess with a genius. Period.
There are very, very few texts that I allow the privilege of influencing me. AseemBhai’s blog, now, tops the list. It’s amazing how I always find exactly what I’m looking for in there.
I’d been wanting to do this for a while now, and I’m glad it finally happened.
I DO miss him. It is perhaps a little selfish, but now more than ever. Even though I’m pretty sure he was utterly bored of hearing me whine over and over again. :-p
AseemBhai always knew the right thing to say. Without fail.
It was always the same thing. Yet, it made perfect sense every time.
‘Relax. God is in charge.’
Now, I can relax, knowing I have contacts up there. 
Take care, AseemBhai. 

p.s. you should know, you're the only one i'm wishing this year. Part of this silly 'principles' thing I have going :-p

Fool in love.....

noreply@blogger.com (Var) — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 18:46:00 +0000

Love.....

Fools in love, they say.

I agree.

Those in love, are never smart.

Those who are smart, are never in love.

The calculations, the shrewdness, the strategies that render people ‘smart’, are not of love, or from love.

Hence, they cannot understand love. It seems nothing more than a farce, nothing less than a trade.

Love hits when you least expect it to. It hits hard.

It is at this precise moment, that all your knowledge, your genius, your planning, goes up in smoke.

It’s not a force to be reckoned with. It’s there, and it’s there to stay.

Fools in love, they say. Simple, honest, innocent, foolish.

They trust, even when it hurts, they continue to trust. They trust, and stop not, until they drive you to be worthy of it.

They give, and rest not, until you receive willingly.

They love, and they tire not. Ever.

Fools in love, they say.

Proud to be one.

p.s. post title, courtesy Inara George's song - Fools in love :)