Thursday, September 4, 2014
Tomorrow(Land) is coming - Does it taste as good as it looks?
Friday, March 15, 2013
Bright Night
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
A Toast...
Here's a toast...
To the good times
and the bad,
To the places we went,
And the places we didn't
To the drinks we spilled,
made, and stole
To the people we lost ( Literally, and figuratively)
To games we played,
and Won.
To the ghosts we didn't see
To the pictures we clicked,
To the voice-notes we hid,
To the endless reasons we never needed to laugh
To the sneaking...
In, out and around
To the schemes that worked
To the plans that failed
To the unplanned epicness
To the spots we discovered
To the spots we forgot
To the meaningless conversations that meant the most
To the "Night-Hunters"
To my 2 favourite ladies...
Namrata Kadam and Ridhi-haha Sharma...
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
18-August-'09
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
A (fond?) farewell...

So I sit here in my room (Funny how all my entries start that way, eh?), with only my laptop for company, and a constant chain of ponderings running through my idle mind. The surprise is that, despite the optimism that comes to me naturally, I can think of nothing, but everything I don’t have.
I’ve spent majority of the last year, getting used to my newfound freedom, and in spite of my fierce independence, I almost resent it. My first year at university is coming to an end, and I think back over the last 9 months, weighing my gains and my losses.
My losses, although minimal to the strange eye, have been magnanimous. I have no dearth of material pleasures, never have. Yet life has never seemed quite as empty as it has in this past year.
I lost friends – not literally – rather, the delusions I’d so carefully built up around the concept, and hence, gained reality, perhaps?
I gained a sense of self worth, as strong as it has ever been – yet lost my confidence in my own choices, due to a lack of nothing more than respectable validation.
I had time on my hands, as much as anyone would ever wish for – and I used most of it constructively, in a constant endeavour to improve upon who I am. Perfection, I want not, for such a thing does not exist. I only wish to be the best I can be.
In the process, I lost all sense of belonging, anywhere.
I gained the ability to survive on my own – and I lost the capability to depend, on anything, or anyone. Even the night, my sole stable companion, grows shorter day by day.
I gained the ability to think for myself – while simultaneously losing the chance to share those revelations.
I read, watched and heard things that brought me inexpressible joy – yet in the riddance of my delusions, lost the pleasure of being able to share those with someone who would appreciate them.
I gained the opportunity to live life to its fullest extent – and I lost it, for I have yet to learn how to do so alone.
Once stripped of my childish fantasies (as some would call them), I gained some perspective – and lost hope.
I sat here, imprisoned in these 4 walls, living vicariously through the grandeur of great lives – lives well spent, lives lived. And I tried, oh I tried, to find a way to walk in those huge footsteps.
I might have succeeded, I might not have. I know not, and perhaps it is for the better.
I achieved some things – they might not be great – but the momentary joy they brought me was invaluable.
I also went down paths I’m not proud of – paths that would break the hearts of those few who still care – and for that I apologise. I only hope to be given a second chance, and I promise I shall try and do better.
I watched some beautiful movies – and I revelled in the endings – happy and tragic, likewise – with a dream of attaining either.
I gained the ability to laugh, to cry, to sing, like no one is watching – for no one was – I gained the courage to be myself again.
Yet there followed the insecurity of what someone would say if they were watching.
I gained individuality – and pride at being my own person – at the cost of being incomprehensible to most around me.
I won some, and I lost some. And I learned, for myself, the essence behind these wise words – “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.”
A wise man (The wisest I know) has repeatedly told me – It’s lonely at the top.
And I know, all too well, what he meant.
For the fleeting moments of joy I had, I am thankful – to myself – for I can safely say they were my own doing.
For my innumerable moments of weakness and despondency – I apologise – to the person I am, to the person I aspire to be, and to my family.
To describe this last year, I could use any number of adjectives, both negative and positive, and they would all be true.
I end this piece with the very little shred of hope I have left – hope that the next year shall see a trifle more joy, a trifle less despondency.
Hope that I will be able to seek solace in the company of a human being, rather than facebook.
Hope that I won’t lose the ability to hope.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Mon ami.....
Three past the bewitching hour,
And the time is come, for all,
That is mine.
The tender zephyr,
That dandles my hair.
The gentle cream of that distant orb –
That oldest of my loves, whose gaze is a ceaseless armour,
Upon my timid soul.
The tiny beads of white flames,
That shower upon me the hushed luminosity of their adoration –
An urgent beckoning.
That ebon veil, with folds of smoky grey -
Ushers in an eternity’s worth of camaraderie.
I step outside my house,
And into my home.
The quietude – a reprise of the womb whence I sprung -
A sober whisper of reassurance.
Three past the bewitching hour,
Mon ami est là.
Monday, April 27, 2009
The House with Nobody in it - Joyce Kilmer
I go by a poor old farmhouse with its shingles broken and black.
I suppose I've passed it a hundred times, but I always stop for a minute
And look at the house, the tragic house, the house with nobody in it.
I never have seen a haunted house, but I hear there are such things;
That they hold the talk of spirits, their mirth and sorrowings.
I know this house isn't haunted, and I wish it were, I do;
For it wouldn't be so lonely if it had a ghost or two.
This house on the road to Suffern needs a dozen panes of glass,
And somebody ought to weed the walk and take a scythe to the grass.
It needs new paint and shingles, and the vines should be trimmed and tied;
But what it needs the most of all is some people living inside.
If I had a lot of money and all my debts were paid
I'd put a gang of men to work with brush and saw and spade.
I'd buy that place and fix it up the way it used to be
And I'd find some people who wanted a home and give it to them free.
Now, a new house standing empty, with staring window and door,
Looks idle, perhaps, and foolish, like a hat on its block in the store.
But there's nothing mournful about it; it cannot be sad and lone
For the lack of something within it that it has never known.
But a house that has done what a house should do,
a house that has sheltered life,
That has put its loving wooden arms around a man and his wife,
A house that has echoed a baby's laugh and held up his stumbling feet,
Is the saddest sight, when it's left alone, that ever your eyes could meet.
So whenever I go to Suffern along the Erie track
I never go by the empty house without stopping and looking back,
Yet it hurts me to look at the crumbling roof and the shutters fallen apart,
For I can't help thinking the poor old house is a house with a broken heart.
Ode on Solitude
Monday, April 13, 2009
...
- Herman Hesse
Sunday, April 12, 2009
India
The smouldering sun smiled upon us with all of its affection.
I drew in a long, deep breath- the gasp of one who has too long been deprived of her air.
The rich dust mingled with the dark smoke, with an inkling of the scent from a public toilet.
My feet caressed the searing gravel, that once was an obscure fact.
My ears witnessed a kaleidoscope of sounds- Oh! The sweetest that ever were heard; the brawling tramps, the rickety scooters, the constant vendor babble, the ceaseless honking.
I opened my eyes to a life no other peoples possessed.
He smiled, and a tear abandoned my eyelash.
I was home.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Penelope
Her affections wavered not.
We know now how our eyes might see,
But oh! What a beauty she was!
Eight and hundred suitors there were,
Their pursuit, relentless.
The adoration, though she did enjoy
Her heart, on Odysseus, was set.
A vagrant then did arrive, appallingly audacious
"To marry Penelope, my sole desire."
"One condition," she declared,
"Odysseus' bow thou shalt string- the arrow, pierce twelve axe shafts.
The victor, my mate shall be."
A soft snicker, she settled to watch,
For the bow would yield to none but Odysseus.
The beggar, victorious did emerge
Incredible, though it seemed.
Thus spake he,"It is I, Odysseus, my love.
To thy fidelity, I do bow."
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Things that made me smile today.... :)
Things that made me smile today:
1. Watching “Sita sings the Blues”... thanx Bhai J
2. The most amazing group called “You know you grew up in India in the 90s when...”. for reference, here’s the link - http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=19085481352
3. The fact that I saw dark clouds outside, opened the window, and the smell of rain just sprinted right in J
4. Looking up potential buy-able guitars on ebay... although most of the ones that made me smile weren’t quite as kind on the pocket :-p
5. My on-going status-convo with well, you guys know who you are :-p
6. The fact that in the last week I’ve gotten in touch with at least 3 people I haven’t talked to in ages!!!
7. Someone complimenting me on my Blog and telling me that she’s a religious follower........... ( possibly the biggest compliment I could receive right now JJJJ)
8. The “window-pelters” – yes it’s annoying mostly, but it’s fun and I wish I could do it back!!!! Of course, here is why you would ask why I don’t, and the answer to that, I’m afraid, eludes even myself!
9. Frasier J
10. The fact that my best friend’s still “GOT IT”. That’s just cute :-p
11. The ‘realisation’ that I sleep exactly 10 hours a night( well, mostly nights :-p)no more and no less.
12. The fact that I called a friend of dad’s who lives in UK, and was actually mumbling incoherently for the first minute of the call just because I couldn’t figure out whether it’s more appropriate to call him “uncle” or Mr......
13. The guitar solo in “Brown Sugar” by the Rolling Stones – just the part from 0:15 to 0:30!!!!
14. A phone call from a friend... “ELLLUUUUUUUUUU” – you know who you are :-p
15. YES, the other friend is NOT forgotten... I love you just as much.. there... I said it, even though you stood me up tonight.. “ OH YEAAA I’ll DEFINITELY come online TONIGHT.”
16. Another realisation, about an actual pleasure that facebook, and ONLY facebook has made possible – I choose not to elucidate on that!
17. What? 16 points isn’t enough for you? :-p CIAO!!!
You know you grew up in India in the 90s when......
2) Cricket is almost a religion for you, and you idolize at least one of Kapil Dev/Rahul Dravid/Sachin Tendulkar/Saurav Ganguly
3) You have read at least some Chacha Chaudhary or Tinkle comics
4) You’ve watched Shaktimaan on TV at least once in your life. And you can immediately recognize the character when you see him.
5) You have some ‘NRI’ relatives.
6) You couldn’t wait for it to be December so you could have the Toblerone chocolates your NRI relatives brought you
7) You watched Cartoon Network, and then the late night movies on TNT that came after Cartoon Network ended.
8) You watched corny dubbed versions of Small Wonder, Silver Spoon, and I Dream of Jeanie
9) You were THRILLED when McDonald’s opened in your neighborhood (or even eight kilometers away)
10) Your first burgers were at Wimpy’s or Nirula’s.
11) A visit to Pizza Hut used to mean a special treat
12) You have seen Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Hum Aapke Hain Kaun at least 5 times each
13) You still remember the theme song to Hum Paanch.
14) You have played hours upon hour of Pukdam-pakdai, oonch-neech, kho-kho, ‘Doctor, doctor, help us!’, ‘Lock and key’
15) You have played ‘Uma Joshi’ more times than you can remember.
16) Dog ‘in’ the bone was your favorite co-ed game.
17) Much of your free time in school was spent playing UNO.
18) You collected trump cards of wrestlers, cricketers, and airplanes, and did not quite understand why your younger siblings were obsessed with Pokemon and the other Japanese trends that followed.
19) Your summer vacations were often synonymous with visiting your grandparents
20) Your parents, at some point, told you ‘Dark Room’ was a bad game to play. But you still loved playing it.
21) Bole mere lips, I love uncle Chips!
22) You know the song ‘Made in India’ by Alisha Chinoi
23) You have seen many many many episodes of ‘Antakshri’ on Zee TV and know the only thing constant in the show is Anu Kapoor.
24) Amy evenings have been spent watching little kids gyrate vulgarly on Boogie Woogie on Sony.
25) You were the coolest thing in class if you had a computer in your house while it was still the 90s.
26) You learnt LOGO in school!
27) You couldn’t wait to start 4th/6th standard so you could start writing with PENS instead of with pencils!
28) You often use terms and phrases like ‘kutti’, ‘abba’, ‘same to you, back to you, with no returns’, and ‘shame shame, puppy shame, all the donkeys know your name.’
29) You most probably saw Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge at the cinema at least once. You also fantasized about singing songs in mustard fields as in the movie.
30) You have seen David Dhawan and Govinda movies and laughed at them.
31) You have said ‘haw’ or ‘haw ji ki pwji’ when you saw people kissing in English movies
31) You have seen Titanic at least 12 times.
32) You thought seeing English movies and speaking English made you the coolest thing ever.
33) You remember the Orissa cyclone, even though you didn’t know what a cyclone was.
34) You remember the Gujarat earthquake very clearly and could possibly tell everyone EXACTLY what you were doing when the earthquake occurred (yes, this happened in 2001, January 26, 2001, to be exact -- but this group is about the things that
35) Barbies for girls, and GI Joes for boys were the ultimate status symbols. You just wanted more more more and more. And how can I forget Hot Wheels, for both boys and girls? I personally have a collection of over 200 little Hot Wheels cars.
36) You have worn Osh-Kosh B’gosh and United Colours of Benetton clothes while growing up. And you thought ‘imported’ clothes were definitely way better than ‘made in India’ clothes (never mind that a lot of clothes brought from overseas by NRI relatives were actually made in India, before ‘Made in China’ started appearing on EVERY existing thing)
37) You know the words to ‘Posham Paa’, and like it better than ‘Oranges and Lemons’ even though you’d sing the latter to sound cool (see 32 above).
38) At some point or other, cool was your favourite, and therefore, most overused word.
39) Captain Planet was your first introduction to environmental consciousness.
40) You have tried to convince people around you to not burst crackers on Diwali, and then gone straight back home and burst them yourself.
41) You have had endless packets of Parle Gluco G biscuits, and of Brittania Little Hearts biscuits.
42) You loved licking off the cream from the centre of Bourbon biscuits.
43) There were no Nike, Reebok, Adidas, Puma- Bata and Liberty was the way to go for your sports shoes.
44) You have probably consumed more Frooti in your lifetime than there is oil in Iraq.
45) You watched Baywatch on Star World even though (or because) your parents said you shouldn’t watch it.
46) You bought packets of potato chips for the specific purpose of collecting Tazoa. And you had Tazos depicting everyone from Confucius to Daffy Duck to Daffy Duck dressed as Confucius.
47) For the longest time, the Maruti 800, the Premier Padmini, THE Fiat, and THE Ambassador were the only cars you saw on the road, and the Contessa was cool because it was bigger.
48) You would literally jump up in excitement if you ever chanced upon an imported car (Oh my gosh, is that really a MERCEDES?)!
49) You spent a good part of 1998 drooling over the Hyundai Santro and the Daewoo Matiz , debating which one was better.
50) You used to Fuzen gum. You also chewed Big (big) Babool and/or Boom Boom Boomer chewing gum. They were bright pink and disgusting tasting, but you loved them for the temporary tattoos.
51) Talking of temporary tattoos, you sometimes had contests with your classmates about who had more tattoos on their arm, leg, knee, hand, forehead, wherever.
52) You thought Mario and Tetris were the coolest things ever invented, especially if you were a boy.
53) You knew that having the latest Hero or Atlas bicycle would make you the coolest kid on the block.
54) You can imitate Sushmita Sen’s winning gasp to perfection.
55) You have, at some point of time, worn GAP clothes (real or fake) like SRK in KKHH.
56) Seemingly senseless acronyms like SRK, DDLJ, KKHH actually make sense to you.
57) You have at some point debated who was more beautiful- Aishwarya or Sushmita.
58) If you lived in Delhi, you went bowling at Essex Farms, or Go-Karting at 32nd Milestone and couldn't think how you could get any cooler than that.
59) Baskin Robbins ice-cream was THE thing to have!
60) You know what Campa Cola is. And you also knew that Coca Cola was THE drink.
61) When you would watch WWF keenly every evening/afternoon and really think that Undertaker had 7 lives and he made an "actual" appearance in the Akshay Kumar- starrer Khiladiyon ka Khiladi.
62) When all backpacks (or 'schoolbags') and water bottles and tiffin boxes had strange cartoon characters that were hybrid versions of seven or eight different characters, and you still bought them, because a green man wih a water pistol, boots, a jet-pack, Johnny bravo hair, a rajasthani mustache, gloves, and underwear (long johns) over his pants, called 'Mr. X' was OBVIOUSLY a status symbol.
63) You remember the Nirma tikia jingle.
64) You remember the Nirma girl.
65) You remember the 'doodh doodh' ad and also the 'roz khao andey' ads.
66) You grew up reading, if you read at all, some or all of Nancy Drews, Enid Blyton books, Hardy Boys, Babysitters Club, Animorphs, Goosebumps, Sweet Valley series, Judy Blumes, and Tintin, or Archie comics. Because naturally, reading foreign authors made you much cooler than reading Tinkle.
67) Towards the late 90s (1998-99) at least some of us started our Harry Potter obsessions!
68) You absolutely HAD to go to Essel World if you wnet to Mumbai! "Essel World mein rahoonga main, ghar nahin nahin jaaonga main!"
69) You watched the Bournvita Quiz contest on TV pretty religiously. The smarter ones amongst you actually took part in it and had your entire school and your entire extended families watch you on it!
70) "Jungle jungle baat chali hai, pata chala hai. Chaddi pehen ke phool khila hai, phool khila!"
71) Maggi 2 Minute Noodles = ultimate snack (and tiffin, lunch, dinner)!
72) If you grew up in the early 90s, you recall the nation's obsession with Mahabharata on TV
73) In the later 90s, you religiously followed Hip Hip Hooray on Zee. Maybe Just Mohabbat on Sony too.
74) You eagerly awaited Friendship Day, so you could give friendship bands to all your friends, and get bands from them in return. Then, of course, those with the most bands loved to show them off (and on Rakhi, boys with the most Rakhis loved showing those off too!)
75) This list made you smile.
......
Ramblings of a Well-meaning Fool.....
It’s funny how we take so much of our life for granted. We miss out on the things we should cherish.
We hang on to stuff not worth a second thought.
It’s a nice feeling, missing someone. Don’t run away from it. Enjoy it, rather. Be glad you have someone to miss. A lot of people aren’t granted that luxury.
Being alone isn’t so bad. Enjoy your solitude. It brings out in you, what no other human being ever can. You’ll be glad for it, when you realise how being in a crowd can cloud your senses.
Relationships are overrated, yet they’re not. We live our whole life, trying to forge, or force, bonds that aren’t there. What we DO have, we stow away in a dark corner, considering it a feat already accomplished. We forget, it’s just the beginning. We grow complacent with the support that one relationship has gifted us, and use that strength to look for something “better” or maybe “more”. And while we do this, the only worthwhile thing we ever actually came across, lies in the background of all our muddle, slowly but surely dying away. And one fine day we come across that hollow coccoon, hoping to see a butterfly jump out. But we don’t. We sit in bewilderment, moaning at life’s unfairness. All our “efforts” in vain, our only support now gone. This is when it hits us. We’ve been knocking on the door of an empty house, all along. We tried to bring to life something that had always been dead. And in the process, forgot to feed the one ray of hope life had bestowed upon us. Find your ray of hope NOW, before the sun sets on your life.
It doesn’t matter if you’re 15, 30, or 80. If you think you haven’t lived, you still have your whole life ahead of you.
I consider myself to be an intellectual snob. I judge people. Not by how they look, or what they wear, or how rich or how good-looking, or how stylish they are. I judge them on what they say, how they think, how narrow, or open, minded they are. I categorise people, into ( Thanks Chinks J ) Deservers, and Non-deservers. Mind you, these don’t mean what you think they do( oh now you see the arrogance coming into play eh? ). These categories have nothing to do with Karma, or God, or any of that, ahem, ‘stuff’. It has to do with Me. I impose my opinions on nobody. But i decide who deserves, and who doesn’t. Deserves what, you may ask. Anything I might have to bestow on them. My knowledge, my discoveries, my creations, and most importantly, my belief system.
I do have a rather vague belief system actually. It’s actually precise in its vagueness. i, or my beliefs, do not condemn people for what they do, or how they think, or anything really. It’s their life, and they can do with it anything that they wish to. The catch, however is, that most people do with their lives, not what THEY want to, rather, what they THINK THEY SHOULD. Now that’s where the problem comes in you see. I see everyone around me, people I love, people I respect, just throwing their lives away. They have lives – lives that reflect anything but who THEY are.
If there is ONE thing in the whole world that you KNOW is yours, it’s your life. Yet, I see the wisest people, the smartest people, letting it go, just because other people seem so important.
In the last few months, I’ve had the liberty of being able to live my own life. Of course, it came at a cost, but in retrospect, it’s nothing compared to the insight I finally gained into who I was, who I thought I was, and who I was born to be.
Any more of an explanation would only bore anyone who’s taken the trouble to come this far.
I’m here, and I’m listening.
The Fool.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
......
Life is, but a dream.......

I can’t stand straight on the ocean of purple grass. Why do these waves not support me?
I see green and magenta waving me over for tea, but respectfully decline, for I’m not loud enough.
Perhaps I should change one of my legs into a tail.
The bells are coming, and they get bluer every ounce.
There’s a guitar too, but it weighs 17 seconds, and is Far-coloured.
The music makes me smile – What a treat for my eyes!
My right hand fights my hair – Left hand pulls them both out and strokes ‘right’ lovingly.
......
“HOLY CRAP!!! She tore her hand off!!!!”
“Sam? Come watch, the waves like you,” she whispers
“So much for MAGIC shrooms, we’re screwed!”
