.......

"We are never so helplessly unhappy as when we lose love."

                                                                          - Sigmund Freud

Ramblings of a Well-meaning Fool.....

It’s funny how we take so much of our life for granted. We miss out on the things we should cherish.

We hang on to stuff not worth a second thought.

It’s a nice feeling, missing someone. Don’t run away from it. Enjoy it, rather. Be glad you have someone to miss. A lot of people aren’t granted that luxury.

Being alone isn’t so bad. Enjoy your solitude. It brings out in you, what no other human being ever can. You’ll be glad for it, when you realise how being in a crowd can cloud your senses.

Relationships are overrated, yet they’re not. We live our whole life, trying to forge, or force, bonds that aren’t there. What we DO have, we stow away in a dark corner, considering it a feat already accomplished. We forget, it’s just the beginning. We grow complacent with the support that one relationship has gifted us, and use that strength to look for something “better” or maybe “more”. And while we do this, the only worthwhile thing we ever actually came across, lies in the background of all our muddle, slowly but surely dying away. And one fine day we come across that hollow coccoon, hoping to see a butterfly jump out. But we don’t. We sit in bewilderment, moaning at life’s unfairness. All our “efforts” in vain, our only support now gone. This is when it hits us. We’ve been knocking on the door of an empty house, all along. We tried to bring to life something that had always been dead. And in the process, forgot to feed the one ray of hope life had bestowed upon us. Find your ray of hope NOW, before the sun sets on your life.

It doesn’t matter if you’re 15, 30, or 80. If you think you haven’t lived, you still have your whole life ahead of you.

I consider myself to be an intellectual snob. I judge people. Not by how they look, or what they wear, or how rich or how good-looking, or how stylish they are. I judge them on what they say, how they think, how narrow, or open, minded they are. I categorise people, into ( Thanks Chinks J ) Deservers, and Non-deservers. Mind you, these don’t mean what you think they do( oh now you see the arrogance coming into play eh? ). These categories have nothing to do with Karma, or God, or any of that, ahem, ‘stuff’. It has to do with Me. I impose my opinions on nobody. But i decide who deserves, and who doesn’t. Deserves what, you may ask. Anything I might have to bestow on them. My knowledge, my discoveries, my creations, and most importantly, my belief system.

I do have a rather vague belief system actually. It’s actually precise in its vagueness. i, or my beliefs, do not condemn people for what they do, or how they think, or anything really. It’s their life, and they can do with it anything that they wish to. The catch, however is, that most people do with their lives, not what THEY want to, rather, what they THINK THEY SHOULD. Now that’s where the problem comes in you see.  I see everyone around me, people I love, people I respect, just throwing their lives away. They have lives – lives that reflect anything but who THEY are.

If there is ONE thing in the whole world that you KNOW is yours, it’s your life. Yet, I see the wisest people, the smartest people, letting it go, just because other people seem so important.

In the last few months, I’ve had the liberty of being able to live my own life. Of course, it came at a cost, but in retrospect, it’s nothing compared to the insight I finally gained into who I was, who I thought I was, and who I was born to be.

Any more of an explanation would only bore anyone who’s taken the trouble to come this far.

I’m here, and I’m listening.

The Fool.

......

"I'm not a perfectionist.......

For a perfectionist believes in limits......."

                                                                     - Varnika Kundu

Life is, but a dream.......

I can’t stand straight on the ocean of purple grass. Why do these waves not support me?

I see green and magenta waving me over for tea, but respectfully decline, for I’m not loud enough.

Perhaps I should change one of my legs into a tail.

The bells are coming, and they get bluer every ounce.

There’s a guitar too, but it weighs 17 seconds, and is Far-coloured.

The music makes me smile – What a treat for my eyes!

My right hand fights my hair – Left hand pulls them both out and strokes ‘right’ lovingly.

......

“HOLY CRAP!!! She tore her hand off!!!!”
“Sam? Come watch, the waves like you,” she whispers
“So much for MAGIC shrooms, we’re screwed!”

Spoken like a true psychiatrist......

"What's the one thing better, than an exquisite meal??

An exquisite meal, with one tiny flaw we can pick at all night!"

                                                             - Frasier (the sitcom)

Those were the days my friend....

Those were the days
- Mary Hopkins

Once upon a time, there was a tavern
Where we used to raise a glass or two
Remember how we laughed away the hours,
Think of all the great things we would do

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way

Then, the busy years went rushing by us
We lost our starry notions on the way
If, by chance, I'd see you in the tavern,
We'd smile at one another and we'd say

Just tonight, I stood before the tavern
Nothing seemed the way it used to be
In the glass, I saw a strange reflection
Was that lonely woman really me?

Through the door, there came familiar laughter
I saw your face and heard you call my name
Oh, my friend, we're older but no wiser
For in our hearts, the dreams are still the same

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we'd choose
We'd fight and never lose
Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days.

I wanna live a little.....

Just because I'm smart doesn't mean I don't have the right to act stupid once in a while.

I might talk big, and think big, and , well, essentially be great.

That does not make me perfect.

And by no means whatsoever, does it make me a grown-up.

I like being an adult, but I don't want to be old.

So, for everyone out there who is thinking of "what's best for me" -

Thanks. I really DO appreciate it. And I love that I have ALL of your mistakes to learn from. I'd just like to learn from my own mistakes though, just once in a while.

I'm all of 20, and I've wasted too much time already, trying to grow up.

I completely forgot how, in the process, I was letting my juvenescence go.

I want to loosen up now.
I want to be rash.
I want to be careless,
and clumsy ( Not that i can help this last one ;-) )
I want to have a little FUN....

It's not the kind of fun you're probably afraid I might be talking about :-p

I just, don't want to be so careful anymore. I have the whole of the rest of my life to do that.

You say you trust me to know what's good for me?

Give me the option of actually making that decision!!!

Faraway

I choose not to believe in reality.

My purview of the truth is limited to the infinitude of my feelings.

The only truth I’ve ever known, is Us - The truth I watch gradually evanescing into the emptiness that’s left of my life.

I’m pounding against your walls, only to push you even further into your nook.

You were all the joy I knew - The joy I now see passing me by, waving a single finger, as if to convince me of the finality of its departure.

You’re close enough that I could breathe you in.

Yet the distance would cost me a lifetime.

Perhaps, even a life.

25 Random things about Me...

1. I’m scared of believing in ghosts, because I’ve watched the ‘Secret’ way too many times and now firmly believe that if I don’t give up my fear of ghosts, I might actually think them into existence.
2. I can go many, many, many days without being any use to anyone around me. It’s not something I’m proud of.
3. I don’t know how to make friends.
4. I KNOW that every once in a blue moon when I DO decide to show up for a lecture, it is ALWAYS, without fail, cancelled, or postponed, or something along the same lines.
5. I take No.4 to be God’s way of telling me that I don’t need lectures.
6. I AM God.
7. I cannot stand people making assumptions about me, whether they’re true or not. although I take my intolerance for the fact to be a sign of my denial of everything that is, in all probability, true.
8. I am, perhaps, way too spiritual for my own good.
9. I’ve been missing CKD for a few months now.
10. I YEARN for a chance to perform on stage.
11. I’ve been putting off writing this note for a while now, just because everyone was doing it.
12. I don’t like admitting to liking popular stuff.
13. I’m tired of eating junk food. I long to eat home-made food once more.
14. I don’t LIKE living in an already tiny room, over-crowded with my luggage STILL waiting to be unpacked. Someday soon, I shall unpack.
15. The few tabs always open on my explorer – Orkut, Facebook, my Blog, Osho Tarot, a couple of youtube videos on how to glide/ perform an arm wave.
16. I have recently started reminiscing about a time, not so long ago, when I used to be normal. I kind of miss it.
17. I want a pet with me, here in Nottingham, possibly more than anything else.
18. I STILL don’t regret anything I’ve ever done.
19. I’m inherently clumsy. I cannot count the number of time I’ve fallen/tripped/slipped/stumbled, over my own feet.
20. There is no kind of music that I cannot tolerate.
21. I write myself notes and display them on the wallpaper of my phone, as constant reminders. The current one reads – “I am Energy! I am very patient!”
22. More than often, I catch myself wishing I could be someone else, just so I could be friends with myself.
23. I’ve been feeling blank, the last few days.
24. I wish I could have known Kurt Cobain.
25. I disapprove of meeting people and asking them how they are. You don't actually mean it, and even if you do, they won't tell you the truth. It seems pretty pointless.

The Rebel - Osho

People are afraid, very much afraid of those who know themselves. They have a certain power, a certain aura and a certain magnetism, a charisma that can take out alive, young people from the traditional imprisonment....

The enlightened man cannot be enslaved - that is the difficulty - and he cannot be imprisoned.... Every genius who has known something of the inner is bound to be a little difficult to be absorbed; he is going to be an upsetting force. The masses don't want to be disturbed, even though they may be in misery; they are in misery, but they are accustomed to the misery. And anybody who is not miserable looks like a stranger.

The enlightened man is the greatest stranger in the world; he does not seem to belong to anybody. No organization confines him, no community, no society, no nation.

Osho The Zen Manifesto: Freedom from Oneself Chapter 9