boredom?

I got it!!! Now, it seems so obvious, it's hard to imagine I took this long!!!

It's Boredom!!!

Plain, simple, boring, old boredom......

The reason people 'move on'...

the sole purpose of innovation.....

the reason behind 'change'...

not the SOLE reason though.

It's true, what they say.....

The only thing that is constant, is Change.

This one's gonna come as a shocker after the previous post........

I am now confused to the point that I'm actually doubting my own methods.........

SHOULD i always be nice???

Would I be happier NOT being myself sometimes.........

giving into "GOOD" advice, and trying to be a little more 'worldly-wise'??

Do nice people have NO value.....

EVER?????

Do you HAVE to CONSTANTLY blow your own trumpet just to remind everyone of ur existence?????

This is what the dilemna is.......

Am i happier being myself and being taken for granted, or ...

am i happier being 'worldly-wise' and being valued???

but then....

If I'm not myself..... What exactly would I be valued for????

Is it possible to create the perfect balance???

Be yourself WHILE doing what gets people to notice that you're there...

or that you're gone???

Strange world we live in......

contradicts itself on a regular basis......

yet somehow manages to keep working, keep moving......

We sit in corners and weep, for our dreams, our needs, our wants.....

We're condemned for licking our wounds...

Why???

The world doesn't really give a shit.......

those few who are stupid enough to expose themselves, hoping for some love, hope, ANYTHING positive, just end up battered and ridiculed.

Why should they not have the right to indulge in a little self pity sometimes then???

NOT all the time, mind you... but sometimes????

You can't please all the people all the time...

but then, how wise it is to want to please one person all the time??

Especially when that person is NOT yourself....

is it even possible????

And what's the point in pleasing some of the people some of the time???

The easiest thing to do in such a situation, would SEEM to be, pleasing yourself....

But the consequence of that... is living with yourself... ONLY yourself.....

how many people can be content with that???

Let's talk Rights... or Duties.......

If you have a right to be happy, don't you also have a duty towards yourself to make sure you give it your best shot???

If xyz has a right to be happy at your expense, is there also some kind of duty involved somewhere???

In the ide3al world, rights and duties would probably be 2 sides of a coin....

but then, who among us actually has ever seen an ideal world????

I actually suspect none of this made any sense at all........

But the question is, did it help????

If only I knew how to answer that!

truly metamorphosed!

A new Var writes here today.........
I can't really say what exactly did the trick.... but it happened..
i'm back... and with a bang too!!!!!!!!!
oh well, at least most of me....... :p
I might be a pushover, or too easy, or not street-smart enough.....
but, I'm happy!!!
I'm happy.......
cos i know who i am!
and i wudn't trade that person for anything else in the whole wide world!!!!
All my life i kept looking for friends...
friends were my passion..... i would die for my friends....... they're my life......
they're all i need.........
and it took me much much more than my fair share of heartbreaks to realise that......
I'm the best friend i'll ever have!!!
what's more.... i love my own company..........
i can sit alone all day and not get bored!!!
i PREFER my own company to that of most people i know......
and I am so proud of myself....
and YES, extremely full of myself.........
This, however, does NOT mean i'm perfect, at least not in the general sense of the word.
i still haven't learnt how to hurt people, no matter how much i might be losing.
i'm still a horrible judge of people.. but i have a feeling that's improving.
i'm stil way too generous.... and not only with my money....
I still don't have the perfect body.... haha.. not even CLOSE.......
I still haven't accomplished a lot of things i'd like to.......
i'm still too gullible... let's face it.. i'm a KID!
I still cry... i still get hurt......
i still have dreams...
i still have needs...
and YES, at times, i STILL crave for a genuine friend to talk to........
But........
i Love myself exactly as I am............
and i love the fact that there's not a single thing i've ever done that i regret...
and given a do-over... i'd probably do everything exactly the same...........
No matter how many faults anyone might see....
yes i might even agree with some of them........
i'm perfect for myself............
I'm the only person i know, who can proudly say that she's never ever EVER hurt anyone intentionally.........
I am the epitome of tolerance and patience, if i say so myself.
i'm the most loyal person i know, once i decide somebody deserves it.
i'm one of the most ethical people i know.
i KNOW i deserve everything good that's EVER happened to me.
and the bad things, i'm extremely thankful, because........
this sounds cliched, but, they made me who i am........ every one of them...........
i don't need to say anything really.
i'm content......
and even though at times, even right now, i forget all this,
i digress, and i get upset, and i start thinking..
but i'm ok with that.
because at the end of the day,
i know i'll get what i deserve,
and...
well.......
i'm happy.
i'm content.
I'm simply ME......
and that's all i need!

where are we living?????
principles are considered irrational.......
do i want to live in such a world??
i might not be Gandhi or something......
but i do have principles......
and i live by them.....
why should i accept them being disregarded like they're nothing????
i shouldn't!!!
and..
i'm hoping i won't!

i have nothing to say.
yet, i feel heavy and full....
like maybe a part of me is bursting to get out.
how can something possibly be right AND wrong at d same time???
n how do i know which is which?
i fancied myself on being a lot of things.........
i don't know if i do anymore......
people's opinions?? dont matter!
but what of the ones that do??
which is easier- letting go of EVERYONE to live alone.....
or maybe treating everyone the same and getting urself into such a mess that u dont know urself anymore......?
if i feel bad i'll feel even worse later.....
so what do i do when i feel bad n then i feel bad bout feelin bad?
or maybe if i feel bad cos i CANT feel bad cos that wud only make me feel bad again???
haha! sorry! :-p
the heart that i've silently sedated after months of trying, still wakes up every once in a while....
n lets out a cry of anguish....
silent, yet deafening.....
nobody hears it except me....
nobody feels it..
oh! how i wish they could!
but they cant.....
it bawls like a baby.....
struggling to let itself out of the small corner it's been forced into.....
but the pain pushes it back even further....
they say- learn to live with it.....
how can i?
how can i learn to live my whole life for OTHERS???
how do i learn to live without my heart??
how long can i survive like that??
very long, i know....
but i wish i couldn't.
they say love makes the world go around.....
well it must be prety damn busy doing that cos i dont see any around me...
or at least for me.....
i have yet to figure out WHY.....
why what? i won' tell you that.......
i have also learnt in my encounter with "the world", that people don't like whiners....
well, if you don't like whining, i'd suggest you leave now...
cos i've tied myself up since a long long time....
n today, i'm upset, n i'm gonna indulge myself!
let's take friendship for example......
what is it?
loyalty, consideration, principles, trust??
or is it??
going by my experiences, i'd beg to differ!
however,
despite my many many MANY bad experiences......
there are still a few things i believe in....
and probably always will............
love, DOES make the world go around.....
it ALSO goes around itself.... so if ur givin it, u also will get it back....
n i guess im not givin enough cos a lot of ppl seem to have beaten me in the waiting line to receive!
so maybe, just maybe, i shud dust out my heart, and try again.
friends......
well, i dont know how often...
i dont know how many...
n i sure as hell dont know who......
but genuine friends, DO exist......
different as i might be, i'm sure i'm not the only one of my kind......
i dont want a perfect friend......
just a genuine one......... n wel, he, OR she, might be anywhere....
i guess just ONE of us needs to open our eyes.
with these beliefs, i'll live my life......

so....
on this note,
i end this highly dramatic, depressing, yet delightfully written( thanx! i know its gr8! :-D) post........
as hard as it might be, TRY not to judge me.....

Once again, I see myself gaining back something i was afraid i had lost forever. Yet, i see the loss of something i thought would always be mine. Am i too stupid? or way too smart for normal people to grasp??
Am i not thinking enough? or maybe i'm thinking too much!!?!
Am i not doing enough?
but then again, maybe i'm doing too much!!
Infinite more questions that keep going through my head could be thrown into space...
but then, are they too few?
or too many???
Forever it seems, is too short a time, for everything, and everyone who claims to last through eternity, leaves too soon for my liking.....
am i too nice? or too manipulative??
Judgement plays a critical role in this world that has more pretense than a 3rd rate bollywood movie.
questions questions questions!!!
who is lying? who is sincere? who is honest? who cares? who will be there??!!!
we spend our whole life analysing everyone's behaviour, yet never realising that maybe somewhere, it's all a reflection of our own selves......
happiness attracts happiness.... n sorrow brings more of itself.........
The key to having good friends...
is to be one yourself!!!!
The key to being free, mentally and physically, is to stop caring so much..........
The SYSTEM has always been there, and always will be.
It's an instrument of those who crave power, and can exercise it through the creation of 'rules and traditions'.
Religion?!?!
WHAT religion????
Who has ever seen God himself??? Who can vouch that anything that is quoted in our 'GREAT HOLY BOOKS' was written by a God, and not a mere control-freak??
Who decides what's wrong and right? good or bad?
moral or immoral??
YOU do!!!


Digest all this....
n keep watching for more......

under construction!!!!
watch out!!!!