where are we living?????
principles are considered irrational.......
do i want to live in such a world??
i might not be Gandhi or something......
but i do have principles......
and i live by them.....
why should i accept them being disregarded like they're nothing????
i shouldn't!!!
and..
i'm hoping i won't!

i have nothing to say.
yet, i feel heavy and full....
like maybe a part of me is bursting to get out.
how can something possibly be right AND wrong at d same time???
n how do i know which is which?
i fancied myself on being a lot of things.........
i don't know if i do anymore......
people's opinions?? dont matter!
but what of the ones that do??
which is easier- letting go of EVERYONE to live alone.....
or maybe treating everyone the same and getting urself into such a mess that u dont know urself anymore......?
if i feel bad i'll feel even worse later.....
so what do i do when i feel bad n then i feel bad bout feelin bad?
or maybe if i feel bad cos i CANT feel bad cos that wud only make me feel bad again???
haha! sorry! :-p
the heart that i've silently sedated after months of trying, still wakes up every once in a while....
n lets out a cry of anguish....
silent, yet deafening.....
nobody hears it except me....
nobody feels it..
oh! how i wish they could!
but they cant.....
it bawls like a baby.....
struggling to let itself out of the small corner it's been forced into.....
but the pain pushes it back even further....
they say- learn to live with it.....
how can i?
how can i learn to live my whole life for OTHERS???
how do i learn to live without my heart??
how long can i survive like that??
very long, i know....
but i wish i couldn't.
they say love makes the world go around.....
well it must be prety damn busy doing that cos i dont see any around me...
or at least for me.....
i have yet to figure out WHY.....
why what? i won' tell you that.......
i have also learnt in my encounter with "the world", that people don't like whiners....
well, if you don't like whining, i'd suggest you leave now...
cos i've tied myself up since a long long time....
n today, i'm upset, n i'm gonna indulge myself!
let's take friendship for example......
what is it?
loyalty, consideration, principles, trust??
or is it??
going by my experiences, i'd beg to differ!
however,
despite my many many MANY bad experiences......
there are still a few things i believe in....
and probably always will............
love, DOES make the world go around.....
it ALSO goes around itself.... so if ur givin it, u also will get it back....
n i guess im not givin enough cos a lot of ppl seem to have beaten me in the waiting line to receive!
so maybe, just maybe, i shud dust out my heart, and try again.
friends......
well, i dont know how often...
i dont know how many...
n i sure as hell dont know who......
but genuine friends, DO exist......
different as i might be, i'm sure i'm not the only one of my kind......
i dont want a perfect friend......
just a genuine one......... n wel, he, OR she, might be anywhere....
i guess just ONE of us needs to open our eyes.
with these beliefs, i'll live my life......

so....
on this note,
i end this highly dramatic, depressing, yet delightfully written( thanx! i know its gr8! :-D) post........
as hard as it might be, TRY not to judge me.....

Once again, I see myself gaining back something i was afraid i had lost forever. Yet, i see the loss of something i thought would always be mine. Am i too stupid? or way too smart for normal people to grasp??
Am i not thinking enough? or maybe i'm thinking too much!!?!
Am i not doing enough?
but then again, maybe i'm doing too much!!
Infinite more questions that keep going through my head could be thrown into space...
but then, are they too few?
or too many???
Forever it seems, is too short a time, for everything, and everyone who claims to last through eternity, leaves too soon for my liking.....
am i too nice? or too manipulative??
Judgement plays a critical role in this world that has more pretense than a 3rd rate bollywood movie.
questions questions questions!!!
who is lying? who is sincere? who is honest? who cares? who will be there??!!!
we spend our whole life analysing everyone's behaviour, yet never realising that maybe somewhere, it's all a reflection of our own selves......
happiness attracts happiness.... n sorrow brings more of itself.........
The key to having good friends...
is to be one yourself!!!!
The key to being free, mentally and physically, is to stop caring so much..........
The SYSTEM has always been there, and always will be.
It's an instrument of those who crave power, and can exercise it through the creation of 'rules and traditions'.
Religion?!?!
WHAT religion????
Who has ever seen God himself??? Who can vouch that anything that is quoted in our 'GREAT HOLY BOOKS' was written by a God, and not a mere control-freak??
Who decides what's wrong and right? good or bad?
moral or immoral??
YOU do!!!


Digest all this....
n keep watching for more......

under construction!!!!
watch out!!!!