i have nothing to say.
yet, i feel heavy and full....
like maybe a part of me is bursting to get out.
how can something possibly be right AND wrong at d same time???
n how do i know which is which?
i fancied myself on being a lot of things.........
i don't know if i do anymore......
people's opinions?? dont matter!
but what of the ones that do??
which is easier- letting go of EVERYONE to live alone.....
or maybe treating everyone the same and getting urself into such a mess that u dont know urself anymore......?
if i feel bad i'll feel even worse later.....
so what do i do when i feel bad n then i feel bad bout feelin bad?
or maybe if i feel bad cos i CANT feel bad cos that wud only make me feel bad again???
haha! sorry! :-p
the heart that i've silently sedated after months of trying, still wakes up every once in a while....
n lets out a cry of anguish....
silent, yet deafening.....
nobody hears it except me....
nobody feels it..
oh! how i wish they could!
but they cant.....
it bawls like a baby.....
struggling to let itself out of the small corner it's been forced into.....
but the pain pushes it back even further....
they say- learn to live with it.....
how can i?
how can i learn to live my whole life for OTHERS???
how do i learn to live without my heart??
how long can i survive like that??
very long, i know....
but i wish i couldn't.
they say love makes the world go around.....
well it must be prety damn busy doing that cos i dont see any around me...
or at least for me.....
i have yet to figure out WHY.....
why what? i won' tell you that.......
i have also learnt in my encounter with "the world", that people don't like whiners....
well, if you don't like whining, i'd suggest you leave now...
cos i've tied myself up since a long long time....
n today, i'm upset, n i'm gonna indulge myself!
let's take friendship for example......
what is it?
loyalty, consideration, principles, trust??
or is it??
going by my experiences, i'd beg to differ!
however,
despite my many many MANY bad experiences......
there are still a few things i believe in....
and probably always will............
love, DOES make the world go around.....
it ALSO goes around itself.... so if ur givin it, u also will get it back....
n i guess im not givin enough cos a lot of ppl seem to have beaten me in the waiting line to receive!
so maybe, just maybe, i shud dust out my heart, and try again.
friends......
well, i dont know how often...
i dont know how many...
n i sure as hell dont know who......
but genuine friends, DO exist......
different as i might be, i'm sure i'm not the only one of my kind......
i dont want a perfect friend......
just a genuine one......... n wel, he, OR she, might be anywhere....
i guess just ONE of us needs to open our eyes.
with these beliefs, i'll live my life......

so....
on this note,
i end this highly dramatic, depressing, yet delightfully written( thanx! i know its gr8! :-D) post........
as hard as it might be, TRY not to judge me.....