God???

One of my older works........


I have a friend, whom I call God
All my deeds he does applaud
Nothing I do is right or wrong
Whether it be lies, or singing a song.

When I need help, it is to him that I go
For me, better than he, who does know?
It might sound strange, but what he says
Is always the answer that in my heart plays

Nirvana is obtained from praying day and night
If you sacrifice all you have, you will see the light
This is what people say, their Gods must be unkind
For my God says, go, wherever most joy you find.

More than you imagine is his love for you
But what he wants back, is not what you think true
Nothing does he require, neither homage nor prayer
All I want is joy, he says, not fear.

Worshipping idols is a waste of time
Don't visit your place of religion? It is no crime!
He would not care if you commit the greatest sin
If it does make you the happiest within

The reason you exist, the purpose of your birth
The only goal, that you have on this earth
Is to be joyful doing whatever you may
It will never be wrong, anytime, any day

Nobody but you does decide your fate
All the miracles, you do create
The tragedy that occurs, you do write
You are the one, who chose to see the light!

God does not give you beauty, nor brains
You gift the to yourself, alongwith your pains
You make it wrong, you make it true
For you see,
No one is your God, but YOU!
(sept. '06)

"Random"

Today, I stop thinking.

Today, I wear only 1 sock.

Today, I talk to 7 strangers.

Today, I buy cafeteria food worth 3.76 pounds, throw it away, and eat 67% of a Pringles pack instead.

Today, I read the title of the 3 books on my table 17 times each, and then stop.

Today, I sit at my window and stare outside for exactly 9 minutes and 32 seconds.

Today, I take the campus hopper to the other campus, and back, just for the ride.

Today, I wear my specs all day, without needing them.

Today, I draw 6 different geometric shapes on the napkin in front of me.

Today, I’m random.

Or am I?

Uni....

The sun sets at 4 pm.
The night sky is not black, grey, or even blue. It’s orange.
There is ice in the grass in the mornings.
Rain now passes me by without a second glance.
My weight is my weight… + 15 kgs of clothes.
The highlight of my day is the sunset view of the hill behind my hall. Picturesque is an understatement.
Walking downhill is more noticeable than walking uphill. The rain makes it so.
I actually worked in a library, for the first time.
I stay up late…. Working!
On a sunny weekday afternoon we wear a minimum of 3 layers of clothes.
On an icy weekend evening, we forget 2.5 of those layers, and don’t mind.
I can walk alone in the dark at 2am and not even think of being scared, of anything.
I can sleep in the dark.
Toilet paper sucks!!!
“PISS” drunk has taken on new meaning.
Dinnertime is 5 30 pm.
Breakfast is history.
Everyone has a bad throat. Permanently.
Water is more expensive than coke.
Having work causes me to get extremely creative, write random stuff and put it up on social networking sites hoping for…. God knows what!!!!

The 'grovel'

So I realize…..

I’d always been doing it…..

Since I can remember….

Grovelling was “my thing”!!!

I did it, and oh! How well!!

Well enough never to let anyone realize that what I was doing had a name…..

A fairly common one at that too!!

In fact, I was a proper “grovel”, who grovelled ( you know, shovel shovels, so…. ).

With everyone….

Friends, the few I had ( or at least thought I did) family, cousins, strangers..

That pretty much sums up ‘everyone’ doesn’t it???

I never did it verbally though….. maybe that was why nobody noticed….

Verbosity was not my thing….. not in this case at least….

I used actions, resources ( HELL a lot!!!) and bleh and blah……

15 years ( or so) of doing it, and being good at it, and using it to my advantage…..

And then, (sh)It happens…….

And it hits me……

I can’t do it anymore.

I’m out of resources.. emotional, more than physical.

I’m out of tolerance ( WHO would have thought THA possible?!?!?!!!)

I’m out of patience

I’m out of consideration……

I choose to live my early conscious years choosing other people…..

And I forgot, in those years, what I was getting from those people…

Nothing.

You use something for long enough, it breaks, unless you take care of it.

And now…. Here I stand….

I sacrificed my choices…… but

Nobody chose me

Not even myself.

I would, except I don’t know how to.

How does someone, who spent her formative years living for other people, depending on other people, taking care of everyone except herself…

How does she learn to live for herself again??

How do I stop caring more about others than about myself?

How do I stop thinking that I owe others, and start realizing how much I owe to myself????

How…….

Do I change the person that I am???

What makes it worse, is that I have nobody to blame.

Nobody but myself.

How much easier life would be if I could just point a finger at someone, or even God…

Blame someone else, get the burden off my back….

But then….

Who said life was easy???

p.s. don’t alert the authorities just yet…..

I can get a few more pieces of writing out before I go completely insane……

If I were to die tonight.......

If I were to die tonight,

The world would be no different a sight

The grip on the mother’s hand would be no more tight

If I were to die tonight

The autumn leaves still would fall

The morning birds still would call

If I were to die tonight

The snow still, would crunch beneath the feet

The lake still would be a white sheet

If I were to die tonight

The ivy’s climb would falter not

The star resemble still a dot

If I were to die tonight

The lovers’ night no slower would go

The family meal would have no less glow

If I were to die tonight

No harsher would be the drowsy breeze

No gentler on the rocks would be the seas

If I were to die tonight

The shepherd still would be feeling the cold

The drunkard still, would be feeling bold

If I were to die tonight

A soft flutter

A final heave

And the sun rises again.