If I were to die tonight,
The world would be no different a sight
The grip on the mother’s hand would be no more tight
If I were to die tonight
The autumn leaves still would fall
The morning birds still would call
If I were to die tonight
The snow still, would crunch beneath the feet
The lake still would be a white sheet
If I were to die tonight
The ivy’s climb would falter not
The star resemble still a dot
If I were to die tonight
The lovers’ night no slower would go
The family meal would have no less glow
If I were to die tonight
No harsher would be the drowsy breeze
No gentler on the rocks would be the seas
If I were to die tonight
The shepherd still would be feeling the cold
The drunkard still, would be feeling bold
If I were to die tonight
A soft flutter
A final heave
And the sun rises again.
7 comments:
if u were to die tonight, u would enter a place more worthwhile and deserving than the binding maze of human kind .. ... the post is really good in bringing out clear carvings of ur mood.. job well done on that.. u must hav felt a hell lot relieved after writin this post.. m sure.. its a really nice read.. thnks.. keep venting it out in words.. helps..
nd now fr d poetic part of it.. der is a lil too much repitition.. u knw dat.. nd u tried a lil too hard to rhyme it.. could hav made it a lot smoother... d ending.. u tried to give d nice ... to ur imagination ... ending.. bt it came out a lil abrupt.. culd hav used a lil more weight in d last cuple of lines... bt.. i think its a nice read still...
relief??? well....
it was more like astonishment at the fact that i started with writing a suicidal post...... and ended up with an ultra-depressing semi-suicidal poem.....
and when i finished...
i was excited about the poem :-p
see..after all dat bullshit.. i still gt it wrong... dats hw complex it is... nd m tellin u.. most ppl would come up wid d same xplanation i did.. :P
the repetition is the point....
it's for the effect....
it's a maniacal mind stuck on the same though... willing, yet unable to get out of it.
rhyming.. well.... that's how i write :-p...
basically... it just came to me... it's more of a blurt-out than a poem... so :-p
and the ending....
once again co-relates to the maniacal not-thinking-straight mind......
it's meant to be abrupt....
but thank you for the critique......
it's good to be made to think about my own work for a change :-p
lol
well i think that's what poems are for.....
you don't necessarily derive the same meaning that the poet wanted to get across..... rather, everyone has their own different meaning of the same stuff......
i might think this is a depressing poem...
but at the same time...
don't you think some people might find solace in the fact that SOME things in the world will NOT change, no matter what???
it's subjective, my dear kamani....
:-p
hey beautiful poem...
and if u ever wanna talk...feel free.
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