So, you could say today has been a semi-productive day. I finally got that gym membership!!! And i start tomorrow :D yaaayy!! I also had a few realisations, got a couple of eye-openers, and showered. Since i had nothing better to do, i spent most of my day wondering what i should write about. Couldn’t come up with anything at all, hence you’re stuck with another one of these, umm, pieces.
Was up really late last night, although i’d hardly call it late since i do it every night. Anyhow, discovered a weird art movie in my lappy called “Psychopathia Sexualis”. Turns out it’s based on a very famous book by the same name, written by Richard von Krafft-Ebing, a psychiatrist-sexologist(???), in the late 19th century. The movie was disgusting, that’s all i have to say on that topic. And it was NOT what you’re thinking.
On a different note, facebook led to one of the above-mentioned ‘eye-openers’, and it’s not pretty. I will, for obvious reasons, not be very specific about the reason, or the person behind this. It serves me right for expecting. I really should have known better.
As for my realisations, well, there were many, many, since that’s what i do when i have nothing better to do. I think, and analyse my thoughts, and everyone around me, and then come to fascinating, albeit strange conclusions. So, here goes......
I am convinced of the extremely high level of superficiality of everyone around me. I do not KNOW this fact, but i AM convinced of it. Another on-going conflict between logic and, uhh, whatever part of me it is that is convinced of the fact. This, in turn, leads to me judging myself based on everything i think other people might care about. I assure you, if my judgments are anything to go by, i am definitely going to die alone. The reason for my conviction, however, is still unclear, although i strongly suspect that it has a lot to do with certain people very close to me, and their failed attempts to get me to conform to acceptable body ‘standards’. If you ever read this, ( and i’m pretty sure you will), KNOW that I am NOT implying that your criteria of judgment is anything like mine for myself, or that i’m trying to blame you for how i think. That is not the case.
We now come to the second realisation for today. Hugs are definitely underrated. I’m not a very physical person, i.e. i don’t give, or take hugs too readily. But when i do, it means something, sometimes, it means everything. If i were asked to recall the happiest moments of my life yet, a lot of them would have to do with me and someone important and hugs. However, i do NOT understand the concept of hugging everyone you meet?? I choose to save my hugs only for special people, and as of this moment, i’m going to start acting on it.
There were more epiphanies ( obviously, since thinking is all i ever do), but they elude me at this moment. Also, although i WANT to write, my thoughts seem not to want to co-operate, and keep running off in different directions making it difficult to string together a single sentence.
Today has been a weird day.
I’m still convinced that i’ll die alone. However, i’m also convinced that the day i let go of my desperation, it’s all going to come rushing to me.
I am now going to lie in bed and watch 15 minutes of some movie before i drift off.
Cheers.
Or not.
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2 comments:
Hugs are like smiles. They cost you nothing, but they spread joy around. One can behave like the cyber-capitalists - companies that make obscene amounts of money by selling Intellectual Property Rights (which is nothing but the act of putting an exorbitant price on something with a negligible cost). So you can put a high price on your hugs n smiles. It's your IPR after all. Or you can spread goodness around by freely distributing these. I am for the latter. But everyone has the right to one's opinion.
I have nothing against genuine hugs.
What bothers me, is the farce people put up.
Assses jutting out, they hold hands, and kiss the air around each other's faces....
you call that a hug????? :-p
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